Humility is a virtue. You can be demanding, assertive, insistent, and even call rank, and still have humility.
Arrogance is not a virtue and it is not desirable in any way. I have seen authors who are arrogant. They are also insecure and needy, and their fears present themselves as arrogance.
A humble author doesn’t need to be arrogant, because that author is confident and secure. I can spot the arrogant ones a mile away. They assume they are the smartest person in the room, they are condescending, and they have a subtle way of putting everyone down. No one likes them, and they don’t care. They just want to be a big shot.
There is a reason why Paul Newman, a once famous movie star, drove a Volkswagon. He liked Volkswagons. He didn’t need a big fancy car, a big fancy desk, or a big fancy anything. He had nothing to prove. That is because he knew who he was and where he stood. Yes, he was insanely famous, and he enjoyed his success and knew how to spend his money. But he was never arrogant.
There used to be a very successful author who would approach crowded elevators and expect people to move aside for her. She actually once said, “Move aside, ladies. With rank comes privilege.” Yuck. That is not the same as knowing your worth. You can insist on a first class plane ticket because you have earned it and you deserve it. And probably need it. You can point this out calmly and without hubris.
It’s hard to be confident and secure as a writer. It’s an isolating profession and it can be lonely. It would be easy to pump up an alter ego that is not a true reflection of you who you really are. Easy, but dumb. Then it will be phony and it takes a lot of energy to keep that up. Spend that energy on your work and on your real friends. You know who they are.
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